Nicole aBeckett 11/25/25

 Selma:  Hi Nicole, and welcome. Thank you so much for joining us today to talk about your caregiver work and your story. Let’s please start with you sharing your story with us.

Nicole:  Absolutely, Selma. Thank you and Zack so much for the opportunity to share. I think the more stories we can get out, we know that caregivers feel so much loneliness and isolation in their journey, so the ability to share it can help. I am always willing to do so.

So, to take it back, my dad was diagnosed with metastatic prostate cancer when I was 19. At that age, I wasn't really a caregiver. I really didn't understand what all that meant. It was a pretty dire prognosis at the very beginning. We thought that there were only a few months left, but, by the grace of God and medicine and everything, my dad lived with it for 15 years. And through that time, he was actually pretty healthy. We were blessed to have that extra time. Towards the end of his final six months, the chemo had stopped working, and other treatments had stopped working. He decided to end further treatment and let the final course go as it will.

My mom was his primary caregiver, but… I was really supporting her. Now, I was also pregnant with my first child. And so, I was really just trying to hold it all together. The irony of both of these stages of life happening at the same time was not lost on me. It was a very happy time, a very unhappy time. But that's just the way things happen sometimes, but I supported my mom.  My mom also had a lung disease called interstitial lung disease. So, she wasn't as easily mobile and able to take care of my dad as she needed. I was helping her a lot through that end-of-life care.

At that time in 2015, I was in my early thirties. I did not have a lot of friends who had ever been through something like this or were going through it. I was really looking for a space to get answers, to organize everything. In my job, I used a lot of software, project management software to manage everything, all information, and all that. And I just really didn't find anything. It was a very difficult time….

So that was really my first experience with caregiving and the load, both emotionally and physically, and logistically, medically, everything that needed to be done. My dad first entered palliative care, but very quickly was moved into hospice care, and it was confusing. What was the difference? If he gets sick, should we take him to ER? Do we not? Like, what are we doing here? There are so many questions, so much information overload. And it was very overwhelming. That was really my first experience. My dad passed away in December of 2015. We went through that process and kept moving forward as we do.

My mom, who I had mentioned had interstitial lung disease, was fine for about a year, but really started needing a lot more support after that. In 2018, I moved her closer to me into a sort of assisted living situation. I started becoming much more of her caregiver in terms of going to every doctor's appointment, helping with medication, helping around the house, helping just to maintain, getting groceries, all of that. It became a much more acute situation than it was when my dad was sick…. I also had my second child then. I had two young children, but I wanted to do everything I could for my mom, obviously, because I loved her so dearly. So, you just go through the motions. You just do what needs to be done as caregivers do. But I found it really interesting in retrospect, I was at every appointment with my mom, especially doctor's appointments, and going to her assisted living. And there was never any outreach for me as the family caregiver to say, Do you need resources? How are you doing? Do you need anything? That has really stuck with me throughout as I reflect on what the experience was. My mom ended up passing away on Thanksgiving morning in 2021, as we approach Thanksgiving.

I always say I felt like I was in a laundry machine where I was being tumbled around, no control, couldn't get my bearings, no control of my life. I was always asking about mom, what was going to happen next? And then when she did pass, and I was done with my caregiving journey, I felt like I was let out, and I could finally start to see clearly what had just happened and what that caregiving experience was all about. It was a lot. It was very, very overwhelming. As I mentioned, no resources. That is what led me to start HeroGeneration.

Selma:  When you were going through the care experience with your dad, expecting your first child, and holding down a job, did you share your caregiving status with your employer or colleagues?

Nicole:  No. With my dad, I was employed, and I didn't because partially you just don't want that part of your life to intermingle… It's kind of nice to keep it compartmentalized because then you don't have to think about it or be talking about it. Also, it just didn't feel like there was an outlet, which I think is… part of the problem. Even though it was only 10 years ago, it's not easy to talk about now. It really wasn't something that anybody was talking about back then in any way or form. Then, with my mom, I owned my own company. At that point, I had my own startup and had employees. It wasn't something that I shared with them because that just wasn't the appropriate channel….

Selma:  As you look back, what do you think would have helped you the most if you had gone to your employer and they had offered some type of help or support?

Nicole:  I can really answer that now, being on this side and seeing what resources are out there and what's available. And I think there are a few big things depending on the size of the company, but I think it can happen at any size company, and that is having a group. Sometimes they're called ERGs, employee resource groups, if it's a larger company. Or just having a monthly or quarterly gathering of caregivers… just having a space for employees to get together to talk about it, one, gives them that space to talk, and two, really says from the employer, We see you, we see that this is a problem, and we see you and we're okay with it and we want you to be better. I think having groups, because everyone is a caregiver in some capacity. It's very rare that somebody hasn't been touched by this in any way or form. So that's one.

Two, just having literature to say, like, if you're going through this time, here are the things that we will do for you. And I think different companies have different capacities. So again, just showing, we know if this is something that you're dealing with … we're here for you because obviously it's better for the company. It's better for the employer to know that their employees are supported, to have the space if they need to take time off to do that, so that they're not burnt out and then end up leaving the company. We just know that all these things are important.

And then, of course, having paid leave, those are just top of the list if that's possible for an employer… I think something only like 45% have told even their manager about their caregiving experience. And that's not even an upper boss, the upper level. That's really, again, when we go back to talking about the isolation and loneliness. That is a really difficult space to be in because you're already dealing with so much emotionally. So those are my suggestions.

Zack:  Thank you for sharing your story so far, and so sorry for the loss of your father and your mom. We’re with you as you grieve through Thanksgiving. When you were working, and your father was going through what he was going through, and you were a caregiver supporting your mom, supporting your dad, you said you were also expecting a child?

Nicole:  Yes.

Zack: We always tell employers, You've done a good job with expecting moms. There are support groups, books, and resources for childbirth. How do you view that as any different from being a caregiver for a parent? 

Nicole:  I mean, it's all the difference. And again, it's the juxtaposition of bringing life into the world and life leaving the world and all the things that go along with that. The emotions are so different. You're so happy on the one hand, you're so excited. And I feel like those emotions in the workplace, joy versus sadness and grief, one is acceptable, the other is not. It's so easy to be happy and to celebrate good things. Whereas, talking about grief, I think this is just with people in general, a lot of times people don't know how to handle grief, and that's fine. I get it, especially if you haven't been through it before. People just don't know how to sit in that very sad emotion. You don't even want to bring it up, or if it comes up, you're like, It's okay, or we're moving through it. It's fine. I think that's the case in the work setting. I think that's the case in any setting when you're dealing with those things. 

Selma:  Can you tell us about the company you founded, HeroGeneration? How did it come about, and what do you do?

Nicole:  Absolutely. It's a direct response to the experiences that I had as a caregiver and experiencing the overwhelming tasks that you have to do, the emotions that you have to carry for so many people, and not really having a place to park all that, and help you sort through it, and organize it.

My career background is in startups -- in digital tech…. Knowing the power of technology and what we can bring together, I really wanted to create a platform that would help families in a few ways. One is to help organize and bring in other team members, family, and friends to the journey of caregiving because again, that isolation and loneliness, you start to become the only person who has the brain trust of your loved one's care. The more you can bring people into the journey and spread out the to-dos… it relieves you of so much stress, both emotionally and physically. So, that's one part of HeroGeneration. We have collaboration tools, so you can create a to-do list. You can assign it to any family member or friend that you bring on and really relieve the weight of everything that needs to be done for caregiving.

The second piece is resources. We provide resources now, but I'm really excited because we're starting to develop our AI caregiving assistant. Her name is Andrea, after my mom. So, it's “Ask Andrea.” You can ask her questions specific to your situation. She will give you answers, but we are now working on Andrea to be a much more proactive support tool. You can share with her if you have discharge papers or if you have anything that you want to share with her, she will start to learn the situation and make recommendations. For example, we have somebody who has a conservatorship with her mother, and every year she has to file paperwork, and she's like, “Oh my God, I always forget, where do I go?” Andrea can start to send her the paperwork already pre-filled, she can just look through it, and then share it, and then file it where it needs to be filed. So, little things like that.

… We want Andrea to be that proactive support to caregivers, so they don't have to keep thinking about those things. She can prompt you to say, Maybe your loved one has dementia, and it's progressing. Have you thought about magnetic clothing that makes it easier, so they don't have to button… Just little things like that you don't even know to think of when you're a caregiver, especially for the first time. So, we're really excited to provide that proactive support companion to our users.

And then the final thing is community, and just being able to come together on virtual meetings across the country. We have different events that are up on our platform that you can find, you can join, again, just to talk through. Even if you don't want to talk, you get to just listen and hear other people's stories, and you get information from that. We know that's such a powerful tool in your toolbox as a caregiver. So those are the three main pillars of HeroGeneration. We're continuously listening and surveying our users about what could be more helpful. We're just going to keep building what is most useful for them so that we can make this journey a lot easier, so that I don't have to go back to my experience and recall going with my mom to every single appointment. I was administering a subcutaneous pump of this really expensive medication that I was so afraid to mess up. I'm a businessperson, I have an MBA, I don't have an MD, right? Here I was doing this complex medical care. So, we just know that people can have a better experience than I had. And if I can provide that, then that's the goal.

Selma:  If you could look back at Nicole before she started her caregiver journey, what advice would you give her now that you've been through it and you're now looking back?

Nicole:  My gosh, I think about this all the time. I wish I had known I was a caregiver, to be honest. You don't even think that you are. You don't know that you are until you're out of it… Because when you're in it, you're just in it. So, in that instance, I wish I knew I was a caregiver, and I wish I had sought out more information and resources. I did not at all. And that's shocking to me when I think about that. I never once thought about asking for respite care, and I have to say, we were very lucky. My parents were in education, teachers, so they had great healthcare insurance. Financially, we were very stable, and I'm so grateful for that. But even just something like a caregiver group or just knowing that I was [a caregiver] to see what I was going through was really difficult. I just thought I had to push through and just do it, you know? And you do… but you can have so much more support in that journey, and to ask for help and have an easy way to bring in that help. I wish she knew that she could ask for that a lot more.

Selma:  How do people get in touch with you to learn more about you and your work, and even more, how can they get in touch with Andrea?

Nicole:  Yes, I love it.  So, it's herogen.co, where you can find out all the information about the platform and everything. We're on social media, Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn, all the platforms. We're not on TikTok yet, but we will be.

When you sign up, it's two weeks for free, and you don't have to give any credit card info, so you can play around with it, test it out, and see how it works for you.

But I'd love to offer three months for free to your audience, and I'll send you that code that they can put in, just so they can get a better experience of it.

Selma:  Thank you so much for that. What a great gift for the holidays.

Selma and Zack: Thank you for being here, Nicole.