Caregiving for Significant Others -- Significantly Different (Blog 4/8/25)

Most of us might think that caregiving is caregiving. Regardless of who you’re caring for, you encounter the same amount of emotional challenges and provide the same level of care, right? Wrong! In truth, there are notable differences in caring for a significant other or spouse than in caring for other family members such as siblings or parents. This blog highlights some of the key differences caregivers for significant others/spouses often face and discusses the issues that fuel these differences.

Great Expectations

If you are married, you are probably familiar with some version of marriage vows where you and your mate promised to love, support and cherish each other “for better, for worse…in sickness and in health….” Arguably this pledge sets the expectation between the individuals that they will be there for each other and projects the same expectation to society as well. People often view the commitment between couples differently than that between a child and parent or siblings. Although relationships between siblings and those between grown children and their aging parents can also breed uncompromising expectations around caregiving, these are typically not as entrenched as those for significant others/spouses. In fact, unlike with other family members, these expectations can make it difficult for individuals caring for a mate to seek or accept help with their caregiving duties.

Emotional Challenges and Personal Well-being

Did you know that due to the intimate nature of the relationship with their partner, significant others/spouses are more likely to report higher levels of emotional stress than caregivers for other family members? This is especially true where their mate’s health has dramatically deteriorated. Particularly, the loss of intimacy and shared life experiences produce a heavier emotional strain than that involved in caring for other members of the family. 

Also, this group of caregivers tend to have more issues with depression and physical health when compared to those caring for other family members. This is because spousal caregiving usually comes with a higher level of intensity (discussed below). Caring for a spouse 24/7, or the expectation to do so, can take an emotional and physical toll on the caregiver’s own health.

Intensity of Care and Social Isolation

Spousal caregivers typically perform their roles with a higher level of intensity than other caregivers. Often, they are more involved with their mate’s medical needs, and support more activities of daily living such as bathing, dressing, toileting, mobility and eating. Although other caregivers may experience similar care challenges, there is frequently more of an expectation that one’s mate will be there to support them around the clock. 

As a result, a mate-caregiver might limit the time they spend away from the home and their social interactions. This leads to feelings of loneliness and isolation. Although other family caregivers may experience similar feelings, they are more likely to take advantage of opportunities to socialize outside the home and rely on other family members to help support them in their caregiving roles. Not true for the mate-caregiver where there may be a higher expectation, by their partner and society at large, to always be there. 

 Financial Impact

For mate-caregivers, there is likely the added strain of trying to manage their dual roles of caregiving and handling household expenses. A feat that can be particularly challenging where a caregiver feels the need to reduce their hours at work or quit their jobs altogether to care for their spouse/partner. Many times, the care recipient and the caregiver are forced to leave their paid employment-- the recipient to deal with health issues, the caregiver to care for their mate. Meanwhile, household income decreases as medical expenses rise, causing serious financial strain on the household. According to a joint study by the National Alliance for Caregiving and the AARP, spousal caregivers experience more financial impacts (2.4) than caregivers for other relatives (1.3-1.8).

Putting It All Together

Clearly, providing care for a significant other/spouse comes with a heightened level of care challenges including higher expectations, greater emotional and physical stress, increased level of care responsibilities, reduced social interaction outside the home, and increased negative financial impact. Looking back over this list of challenges, there is one commonality that seems to emerge – expectations. Due to the nature of the relationship, spousal care recipients expect a greater level of care from their spousal caregivers. Society as well, harbors an expectation (however unrealistic) that caregiving mates will be available 24/7 to care for their partners. These expectations lead to a broadened range of care duties, which lead to increased emotional and physical stress for the caregiving partner. Too, the heightened expectation of care leads the caregiver-mate to spend less time socializing outside the home, which produces feelings of isolation, which increase emotional strain, which affects their physical health… You get the picture. The domino effect for sure. 

As a final observation of the spousal caregiver dynamics, we should note that despite the enhanced expectations, some studies estimate that the divorce rate among couples where one spouse suffers from a chronic illness ranges from 35 to 75%. This suggests that the expectations around the relationship frequently succumb to the strain of caregiving. Again, just an observation, not a pronouncement. Let us be clear – we’re not saying that if you are in a satisfying relationship and one of you become chronically ill, your relationship is doomed to fail. There are many factors that could come into play such as the nature and longevity of the illness, strength of the relationship, personal values, depth of commitment, etc. Our goal in writing this blog is simply to raise awareness around the increased level of challenges and complexities that come with caring for a mate. In this situation, what you don’t know can hurt you.

Until the next blog! Thank you for being here, reading and caring!

References:

• Caregiving in the US, National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP, (2020).

• About Spousal Caregiving, wellspouse.org.

• When Caregivers Fall Out of Love, by Barry J. Jacobs, AARP (July31, 2017).

• In Sickness and in Health? Physical Illness as a Risk Factor for Marital Dissolution in Later Life, Journal of Health and Social Behavior, by Amelia Karraker and Kenzie Latham (2015).